Dear writers of Harry Potter Fanfics
by Alanna The Half-blood Witch
Summary: Letters sent by Harry Potter characters to the writers of Harry Potter fanfics.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**

Lana: Go on. Do the disclaimer.

Snape: Make me!

Lana: ***grins*** I'll show everyone **the pictures**.

Snape: ***glares*** You wouldn't dare...

Lane: ***smirks*** Try me.

Snape: ***scowls*** Fine! The characters all belong to J.K Rowling. The plot belongs to Lana's sick mind.

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter Fanfics,

I am proud to say that I am not gay. My love interest is Ginny, not some male or god-forbid, Malfoy! And I cannot get pregnant, I am a male. So please, keep these weird ideas in your odd minds!

Sincerely, an angry Harry Potter.

* * *

Lana: **Review!**

And I will show you Snape's pictures.

Snape: No you won't! ***snatches pictures from my hand and runs***

Lana: I post the next chapter as soon as I catch Snape. ***chases Snape***


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you those who read and reviewed my story! :)

My apologies to to those who like Remus/Sirius fics.

No offence to Slash writers.

**Disclaimer**:

Lana: Sorry I took so long guys. It took a long time to catch Snape. But on the bright side, I caught him.

Snape:***scowls*** No you did not! You bribed Dumbledore with lemon drops to catch me.

Lana: ***smirks***And it worked. Now do the disclaimer!

Snape:Hmph. The Harry Potter characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot and the pictures(which I have burned) belong to the dunderhead Lana.

Lana:***frowns*** I resent that. Now on with the story!

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter Fanfics,

I would like to tell everyone that I do not love Remus and Harry romantically. I only love them as a friend and a god-son. However if you ladies are wondering...I'm available.

Sincerely,

a not so very serious Sirius Black

* * *

**Review!**

**and there will be a guest appearance in the next chapter. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Here the next chapter! Enjoy. :)

My apologies to those who like Draco/Hermione.

* * *

**CocoBlack: Thanks for reviewing chapter one!:)**

**NimbusSeeker14161: Thanks for reviewing! Makes me happy to know you enjoyed the chapter.;)**

**TheNewPosiedon: Thanks for reviewing! Yup, Sirius Black is a ladies'man.;)**

**Hermione Is My Role Model: Thanks for Reviewing! I will probably post a Fred/George letter in chapter five or six.;)**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana: **Hey guys! Our guest appearance will arrive shortly. It seems that there is a traffic jam in the **Floo network.**

**Snape*pouts* **Hey! I thought I was suppose to do the disclaimer.

**Lana: **Not today. Today the disclaimer will be done by...**HARRY POTTER!**

**Harry:*Appears out of nowhere*** Ugh, the traffic in the Floo was horrible!

**Snape:*growls* **Potter!

**Harry:*notices Snape* *growls* **Snape!

**Snape: *about to throw a hex at Harry* **Sectumsemp...***suddenly stops and faints while a sheepish Lana is standing behind him with a bat.**

**Lana: **Well, that will keep him quiet for awhile. Now Harry dear, go and do the disclaimer!

**Harry:*wary of the bat in Lana's hand* **Err, the Harry Potter characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot and the bat belong to Lana.

**Lana: *smiles***Thank you Harry. Now on with the chapter!

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

I do no have any romantics feeling for that mudblood, Granger! It is preposterous to think that a pure-blood like me will be together with that mudblood. I will most likely be with a pure-blood with standards like mine, such as Astoria. So just to make it clear...**I DOT NOT LIKE GRANGER!**

Sincerely,

a pure-blooded Draco Malfoy

* * *

**Review!**

**and Draco will be doing the next disclaimer. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to all those who reviewed, followed and favourite! :)**

**My apologies to those who like Fred/George.**

**Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: **

**Draco: Since Lana is not here, I will be doing the disclaimer. All Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot belongs to Lana (who is on a week-long vacation in Romania).**

* * *

**bold=**George

italics=Both twins

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

we love each other in a brotherly fashion. **We do not have romantic feelings for each other. However I do have romantic feelings for Angelina. **Georgie and Angie sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G! **Shut up Fred! So just to make it** clear..._WE ARE NOT A TWINCEST!_

_Sincerely,_

a single Fred & **a love-struck George**

* * *

**Review!**

**and Snape will be doing the next disclaimer. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Well I'm back! **

**Sorry to keep you guys waiting. Lots of school work to keep up with.:(**

**Thank you to all those who reviewed, favourite and followed.**

**Anyways, Enjoy the chapter!:)**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Snape:** Since Lana is still on her week-long vacation in Romania**(I swear she went there just to visit Charlie Weasley)**, I will be doing the disclaimer. The Harry Potter character all belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot belongs to Lana.

* * *

**Bold=Hermione**

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

are you all mad! I love Hermione and would never leave her for some girl. And I am not a jealous git. **Well actually you are, a little maybe. **And I am ok with her writing to Krum. **No, no you're not.** Hermione! Whose side are you on. **I'm on nobodies side. I'm just stating what is true. And you're really cute when you pout. **I'm not cute! **Oh, come on Ronald.** **And just to let you all know, I know that my Ronald will never leave me, ever. **That's my Mione.

Sincerely,

a Jealous and loyal Ron & a trusting Hermione

* * *

**Review!**

**and I will let Fred and George do the next disclaimer. ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

Here's the next chapter. Enjoy! :)

Thank you to those who reviewed, favourite and followed.

My apologies to those who like professor/student ships.

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Fred:** Hey George! What do you suppose Lana and Charlie are doing in Romania?

**George:*grins*** Snogging, I suppose. *** A postcard appears out of nowhere that shows that Lana and Charlie are only TRAINING dragons.***

**Fred: *yawns***Well that's some vacation. Anyways, it's time to do the disclaimer!

**George:** Righto.

**Fred & George:** The Harry Potter characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot and the postcard belong to Lana. And the Hogwarts toilet seat belong to us.

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

we will like to tell you all that there are no professor/student romantic relationships at Hogwarts. We are now scarred for life thanks to those stories.

Sincerely,

all the professor at Hogwarts who are now scarred for life

* * *

**Review!**

**and Hermione will be doing the next disclaimer.**


	7. Chapter 7

Here's the next chapter. Enjoy! :)

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favourite and followed.

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Hermione:** I'll just get straight to the point. The Harry Potter characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot belong to Lana. Now let's begin the story!

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

for your information I do wash my hair with shampoo. Twice a day. My hair is greasy due to other reasons. But I do take baths. And I do wash my hair. So the next time you all write you stories about me, do note that I wash my hair.

Sincerely,

Severus Snape who washes his hair twice a day

* * *

**Review!**

**and the next letter will be from Dolores UMBRIDGE dun dun dunnn**


	8. Chapter 8

Here's the next chapter. Enjoy! :)

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favourited and followed.

My apologies to all Umbridge fans.

* * *

Disclaimer:

Remus: Since no one was available to do the disclaimer, I will be doing it. The Harry Potter characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot belongs to Lana's troubled mind.

Now on with the story!

* * *

**Bold=random students**

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

in accordance to my new law(with approval from the Minister), Law 79a, clearly states that all writers of Harry Potter fanfics shall not disgrace Dolores Jane Umbridge in their stories. I will not be written as 'bitch' as clearly I am not. **Yes you are! **And you shall not refer to me as 'toad-face'. **Umbridge is a toad! Umbridge is a toad!** Detention all of you! Especially you Potter! Now as I was saying, I do not use blood quills, Veritaserum or torture on students. **That's a lie! **And I am not cruel. I am the nicest person in the entire Wizarding world. **Yeah right! **So please follow accordingly to Law 79a.

Sincerely,

Dolore Jane Umbridge

Senior Under-Secretary

**Toad Face**

Headmistress of Hogwarts

**Bitch**

High Inquisitor of Hogwarts

**An insult to fashion**

**Hater of Half-breeds**

**Murderer of all things fun**

_P.S- This is from us students of Hogwarts. By all means do not regard Law 79a. In fact write more insulting stories about Umbridge. _

_Sincerely,_

_The students of Hogwarts(excluding Slytherin)_

* * *

**Review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Here's the next chapter, enjoy!**

**Thank you to all who reviewed, followed and favourited.**

**My apologies to those who like Voldemort/Bellatrix.**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Neville:** Um, I will be doing the disclaimer today. The Harry Potter characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot belongs to Lana.

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

you stupid muggles! How could you assume that my faithful Deatheater Bellatrix and I are lovers. That very thought is preposterous! I loathe all those stories about wild sexual fantasies between us. And I do not have any children with Bellatrix. In fact, to my knowledge, I have none. So stop writing romantic stories about us or I will command Nagini to hunt and kill you...

Sincerely,

Voldemort

aka the Dark Lord

aka Tom Riddle

aka He-who-must-not-be-named

aka You-know-who

aka He-who-was-destroyed-by-an-infant

aka He-who-was-stupid-enough-to-make-Horcruxes

* * *

**Review!**

**or I will command Nagini to hunt you...Mwahahahaha**


	10. Chapter 10

**Well, I've finally reached chapter ten!**

**Anyways, here's the next chapter. Enjoy! :)**

**Thanks to all who reviewed, followed and favourited.**

**My apologies to those who like McGonagall/Snape.**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Snape:** I still don't get why people think McGonagall and I are lovers. ***sighs*** Anyway, The Harry Potter characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot belongs to a-still-vacationing-Lana.

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

I am absolutely disgusted by all those stories about Severus and I. As you can see

1) He's years younger than I.

2) I am already married.

3) I don't love him(heck I don't even like him!).

4) I doubt he likes me.

So, it is quite unlikely that we will be a pair. And another thing is that we do not have any children together. It is ironic as we have never slept with each other. Oh, and there are a few things I would also like to say...

1) Potter is not my child

2) I do not have any children

3) I am not Severus's godmother

So that's that. I must say, I was torn between amusement and disgust after I read those stories. Hmm, maybe I will make Severus read it so that it will make him puke. Anyways just to make it clear...I DO NOT LIKE SEVERUS SNAPE NOR DO I HAVE ANY CHILDREN WITH HIM!

Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall who does not like Snape.

* * *

**Review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry to keep you guys waiting. Busy week for me.**

**Anyways, thanks to all those who reviewed, followed and favourite.**

**My apologies to those who like Lily/Scorpius.**

**Enjoy the chapter! :)**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana:** Well I'm finally back from my week-long vacation in Romania. Anyways, I will be doing the disclaimer. The Harry Potter characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot belongs to my currently dragon-infested mind. Now on with the story!

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

I can't believe that you wrote romantic stories about Scorpius and I. That's just sick! Everybody knows that Scorpius and Rose are an item. I mean you can't find without each other snogging the other senselessly. Anyway, I would just like to tell you all that I have no romantic feelings for Scorpius. And honestly that'll be just weird having feelings for my brother Al's best friend and my cousin's beau. And just to let you all know, I have feelings for someone else. I'm not telling who as you will write stories about us and then my family will find out and then the entire Potter and Weasley clan will be after him. So just to make it clear...I DO NOT LIKE SCORPIUS MALFOY ALTHOUGH HIS SURNAME SOUNDS FUNNY!

Sincerely,

a secretive Lily Luna Potter

P.S- Do not, I repeat, do not leak out that Rose and Scorpius are together to the Wealsey clan. Rose will definitely skin my hide if it happens...

* * *

**Review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Here's the next chapter! Enjoy**

**Thank you to everyone who favourited, followed and reviewed. :)**

**My apologies to those like Potter twins/siblings.**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Snape:** I will be doing the disclaimer today as much as I loathe it. Anyway, the Harry Potter characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot belongs to Lana who is currently playing with a big black dog which kind of resembles the Grim. Well if she dies, I'm not attending her funeral.

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

I am pretty sure that I do not have a sister. Which makes it impossible for statements such as 'The Potter Twins' or 'The Children who live'. And if I do have a sister, I will not allow her to date Draco Malfoy no matter how many times he'll plead. And I will also probably prevent her from getting close with Snape. Hmm, maybe I'll let her date Ron. Nah, He's interested with Hermione anyway... So just to make it clear, I DO NOT HAVE A SISTER BUT IF I DO I WILL BE AN OVERPROTECTIVE BROTHER!

Sincerely,

Harry Potter who will be an overprotective brother if he had a sister

* * *

**Review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed and favourited! :)**

**My apologies to those who like Harry/Snape.**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana:** I do not own the Harry Potter characters. They, obviously, belong to J.K. Rowling. I only own the plot. Anyway, here's the next chapter!

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

of course I love Potter. His messy hair, bright green eyes that shine and a cursed scar on his forehead. He is so handsome. I love him very much even though he failed in Potions. Of course we snog each other everyday and spend lots of time in the bedroom. I wonder...when will you all understand that I DO NOT LIKE # *%% POTTER! &^#$%*% $*%%$#^* ^*##

Sincerely,

a sarcastic Severus Snape(who has a potty mouth)

* * *

**Review!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys, sorry for not updating in days. Real busy week.**

**Anyway, thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed and favourited. :)**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Percy Weasley:** ***sniff*** I still find this very disrespectful writing insulting things about our beloved Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge.

**Lana:** Only you and toad-face will adore him. Anyway, I do not own the Harry Potter characters especially Fudge(thank Merlin). I only own the plot. Enjoy the chapter! :)

* * *

**Bold= DA**

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

I am most certainly a very capable Minister. **Yeah right.**I do not accept bribes from anyone. **Didn't Malfoy's dad bribed him?**I still do not believe that You-know-who has risen. **Bullshit! **That is a lie that Harry Potter and Albus Dumbeldore spread.** Right...like you are not spreading lies yourself.** And I do not believe that a dementor was in Little Whinging.** As if people will lie about dementors.** Hem hem. This is Dolores Jane Umbridge - Senior Undersecretary, Headmistress and High Inquisitor of Hogwarts. **Oh no! It's toad-face again.** I am writing to you writers to testify that Cornelius Fudge is a brilliant Minister of Magic. **Yeah and Voldemort's a butterfly.**He has taken a calm mind in the accusation of the rising of He-who-must-not-be-named. **I thought he was paranoid? **He would also like to assure that the ministry is taking action in the situation. **Yup, they're spreading lies.** Also I have here one of our loyal workers of the ministry, Percy Weasley, to prove what I have stated. **Hey Ron, it's your brother. Bloody hell! **Percy Weasley here, I will like to tell you all not to trust Albus Dumbledore.** Why not? ** He is a very sly and manipulative man. **Like you people are not!** We have warned you...

Sincerely,

Cornelius Fudge **aka Corny**

Dolores Jane Umbridge **aka Toad-face**

Percy Weasley **aka boot-licker**

**P.S - Do not listen to what they have said. Voldemort has risen. Be prepared or join the DA.**

**Sincerely,**

**Dumbeldore's Army**

* * *

**Review!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey guys, sorry for the late(ok very late) update.**

**I just had geography and math tests last week and now preparing for my history, biology and English tests (sad life for a teen).**

**Anyway, here's the next chapter. Enjoy! :)**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana:** I'm back everyone!

**Snape: *groans*** And here I thought you've abandoned this fic!

**Lana:** Nonsense Sev. Now do the disclaimer.

**Snape: *sighs*** The Harry Potter characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot belongs to Lana who should really stop calling me Sev.

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

I very much doubt that I have a daughter. I do not recall anyone telling me that I have one. Hmm, maybe I should owl my ex-girlfriends about this. Anyway, if I did have a daughter I wouldn't let her date until she is of age. So don't you dare think about it. So just to keep it fresh in your rather creative minds...I DO NOT HAVE A DAUGHTER, AT LEAST I THINK SO!

Sincerely,

Sirius Black who **siriusly** can't recall having any daughters

* * *

**Review!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed and favourited!**

**Here's the next chapter, enjoy!**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana:**Hey you! Do the disclaimer.

**Lucius:** I have a name you know.

**Lana:** Whatever Lucy.

**Lucius: *grumbles*** The Harry Potter characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot belongs to Lana who should not have called me Lucy.

* * *

**Bold = Sirius**

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

Sirius and I are anything but lovers. **Hey! I thought you loved me.** Not that way Padfoot. It's more like brotherly love. **Hmm, I guess your right. It would be incest anyways.** Now your just talking nonsense Pads. **Hmpf!** Anyways while Sirius is pouting**(I am not!)**, I would like to tell you all in the most polite manner that Sirius and I are just friends. **Hell yeah!** Language Sirius! **Whatever. If I were you, I would have said it in a rude manner. It goes like this:** (Don't even think about it Pads!) **Are you all f****** mad! Remus and I are brothers in anything but blood! And you people keep writing us as lovers! That's incest you know! I'll have you know I'm interested in women not men and I have a whole list of who I shagged with : 1) Mar...mmphmmph** That's enough Sirius. I'm sure we're not interested in who you've slept with. **Whatever Moony. By the way, are you interested in my little cousin?** What are you talking about Sirus? **Don't deny it Remy, I've seen the way you look at her. And by the way you're blushing.** I'm am not! **Whateverrrr, and just to make sure you people still remember...REMY AND I ARE NOTHING BUT FRIENDS! YOU HEAR THAT, NOTHING BUT F****** FRIENDS!**

Sincerely,

Remus Lupin who is momentarily speechless

Sirius Black who has a potty mouth

* * *

**Review!**

**The next letter will be from Draco! :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey guys, I'm back.**

**Sorry it took so long to update.**

**Anyways, thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed and favourite.**

**My apologies to those who like Drapple.**

* * *

Disclaimer:

Lana: Let's just cut to the chase. I own nothing except the plot.

Snape: Thank Merlin!

* * *

Letter #1

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

Dramione I can understand.

Drarry I still can't picture it.

But why must you people pair me with an apple?

I mean seriously! I'm the Slytherin sex god. I like girls not some fruit.

Now everyone at Hogwarts is laughing at me thanks to a certain pair of pranksters who had access to Fanfiction.

Please I beg you, stop writing these stories about me or I will Crucio you.

Sincerely,

Draco Malfoy who will seriously crucio you

* * *

Letter #2

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

because of those Drapple stories ,my friend **Apple#2** ,is currently admitted in **St Mango's hospital for Fruity Trauma and Injuries** after reading them.

You wanna know what she says?

**Apple #2: Scarred for life. Scarred for life. Scarred for life...**

See what happened to her. So I beg you all, stop writing these stories called Drapple or I will contact the entire apple army and we will invade you homes Mwahahahaha!

Sincerely,

Apple #1

* * *

**Review!**


	18. Chapter 18

Here's the next chapter, enjoy!

* * *

**Professor McGonagal: Thanks :)**

**Michy Drarry Shipper: Glad ya like it! ;)**

**Hermione Is My Role Model: Happy to know you like it! :)**

**Jackiejiggle: Thanks :)**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana:** Go do the disclaimer Tommy boy.

**Voldemort: **Why should I half-blood? And stop calling me Tommy boy!

**Lana: **I'll tell everyone you're a half-blood Tommy boy.

**Voldemort: **Fine, fine! I'll do the disclaimer. The Harry Potter characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot belongs Lana. There, happy now?

**Lana: **Very, Tommy boy. Now on with the story.

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

we would like to tell you all that it was a very strange week at Hogwarts. And it all started because of fanfics.

Umbridge started it first. After reading all those stories about herself and the pranks by the twins finally drove her mad. She started cackling in the Great Hall during breakfast then she poured coffee on herself and screamed that an army of bright red apples are going to attack Hogwarts.

That was when Draco shouted fu... **Hey this is a k+ fic. **Oh, right. Well anyway, he shouted potty words when Umbridge said apples then he ran out of the hall. The twins then started throwing apples at everyone.

One of them hit Snape. Snape chased after the twins but slipped on some oil Peeves poured on the floor earlier. Let's just say Snape is now in the healing wing with a bump on his head. The twins started writing their wills stating that all their pranking items and plans go to Harry, their galleons go to their parents and Ginny, the Puking Pastels go to Ron, a few odd and bobs go to Bill and Charlie Weasley and a letter of insults to Percy Weasley.

Honestly it was one crazy week. Crazier than the week when all the professors turn to animals literally. Or that week when Hagrid drank too much firewhiskey and...nevermind ,you people get the idea.

Sincerely,

the students of Hogwarts including Slytherin (Yes even Slytherin)

* * *

**Review!**


	19. Chapter 19

Here's the next chapter, enjoy!

* * *

Hermione Is My Role Model: Glad you love it. :)

fanHPTW: Yup, good ole Hogwarts as we love it.

pineapple loves you: Thanks! :) (ps-please don't die of laughter)

swiftie 121389: Thanks!

* * *

Disclaimer:

Lana: I own nothing except the plot. The rest belongs to J.K. Rowling

Snape: No truer words have been said.

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

I am quite sure that my name is Dumbledore, not Gandalf. In fact, I have no idea who this Gandalf is. Maybe I should ask my friend Rumbleroar at Pigfarts. He'll know who this Gandalf is. Until then, I am pretty sure that my name is Albus Dumbledore.

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

Headmaster of Hogwarts

Supreme Mugwump

Bla bla bla...you people know the rest.

* * *

Review!


	20. Chapter 20

**Here's the next chapter, enjoy! :)**

* * *

**KnockturnSeller: Thanks!**

**Professor McGonagal: :)**

**Hermione Is My Role Model: Happy to know you love it.**

**pineapple loves you: Glad to know you liked the AVPM reference.**

**TheOutcast4: Thanks for reviewing. **

**Mandise: Glad you like it. And thanks for following.**

**seraphielsong: I agree. :)**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana:** Thanks for offering to do the disclaimer Mrs Weasley.

**Molly:** It's no problem dearie. And it's Molly to you, after all your going to be my daughter in-law.

**Lana:** Gee thanks Mrs...Molly. Wait! What?

**Molly:** Oh come on dearie, I know that my son Charlie and you are going to get married.

**Lana:** ...

**Molly:** Lana. Lana? Oh well, I guess she fainted out of joy. Anyways, the plot belongs to Lana. Everything else belongs to J. . Now please excuse me. I have to tend to my future daughter in-law.

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

I have finally found out who this Gandalf is. According to Rumbleroar, Gandalf is a wizard in a land called Middle Earth. So that clears up everything. I ***pop*** Who are you? **Mr Gandalf, sir. Don't you recognise me. I'm Samwise Gamgee. **I'm afraid I do not know you, good sir. **But Mr Gandalf, Mr Frodo needs your help. **I'm sorry er Mr Sanwise to tell you that I am not Gandalf. **But sir, you look a lot like Mr Gandalf. You both look incredibly old, wear pointed hats and have long shaggy beards. You must be Gandalf. And Mr Frodo, he's *pop* **Well that was interesting. Anyways as I have said earlier, I am not Gandalf.

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore who is not Gandalf

* * *

**Review!**


	21. AN

**Hey guys, sorry but this is not a chapter.**

**There's a poll going on in my profile to vote for the character in the next chapter.**

**The deadline is Halloween so vote quickly.**

**Happy voting! :)**


	22. Chapter 21

**Ok, so the character with the most votes is...VOLDEMORT!**

**So here's the next chapter, enjoy!**

**Happy Halloween! :)**

* * *

**Hermione Is My Role Model: Thanks!**

**PillowLover81: Thanks for reviewing!**

**Estherdabookworm: Glad you like my fic Esther. Your fic is awesome too. See ya at class tomorrow! ;)**

**Jackie BlueHogwartian: Glad you like it! Maybe I'll do a letter from the Durleys soon. **

**pineapple loves you: I'll do a letter from Dobby soon. **

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana:** Phew! I've finally escaped her.

**Charlie:** Who?

**Lana:** Your mum. She's thinking we're getting married.

**Charlie:** What!

**Lana:** I know right. Besides, aren't you dating that Romanian girl?

**Charlie:** Yes, but that's not the point. What made her think that we're getting married.

**Lana:** I don't know. Maybe it's because I visited you in Romania.

**Charlie:** Maybe...but who told her? I mean, no one knew right?

**Lana:** Yeah but...wait a second. Fred and George knew.

**Charlie:** They are so dead. Anyway it's my turn to do the disclaimer soooo... The Harry Potter characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot belongs to Lana.

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

do you want to know the story of why I hate mudbloods celebrating halloween? Well, it all began on Halloween in 1981.

I was on my way to the Potter's house. People were staring at me as they thought that I was wearing a costume that was spookily realistic. A few muggle chidren were trick-o-treating along the streets. Oh, how I despised them. They are unworthy to celebrated Halloween which is for wizards and witches only in my opinion. They dress up as wizards and witches and many others. But they insult us magical folk by making costumes of witches ugly to look upon.

I passed by a party on the way. Oh, what a mistake it was. They were having a contest. A spotlight was shown on me and I was declared a participant in "The Scariest Costume" contest. I won first price by the way, the trophy was all shiny and golden...I'm getting off topic aren't I? Anyway, the mudbloods congratulated me on how terrifying my costume was.

I almost yelled that it was not a costume. It took all my restraint to not hex them. I eluded the party-goers and continued to my destination. A mudblood boy came up to me. "Nice costume, mister!" he said. I wanted to kill him, but then again why waste my magic on this worthless boy. I lifted my hood a bit. The boy caught sight of my face and shuddered in fear. He ran off, probably to his mother.

This is why I hate mudbloods celebrating Halloween. So, if you are on the streets trick-or-treat, you better watch out. Because I will be there and you will not live to tell the tale. Mwahahahaha!

Sincerely,

an evil Voldemort.

* * *

**Review!**


	23. Chapter 22

**Ok, here's the next chapter. Enjoy! :)**

* * *

**fanHPTW: **Thanks for reviewing! I am very happy to know that you find the previous chapter excellent.

**Hermione Is My Role Model: **Thanks for reviewing! Nice to know that you like the previous chapter.

**Estherdabookworm: **Thanks for reviewing, Es! And of course I'll keep writing.

**Guest: **Thanks for reviewing! Happy to know you find the previous chapter wonderful.

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana:** Ok, since everyone else is unavailable to do the disclaimer...Bellatrix will be doing it.

**Bellatrix:** How dare you filthy mudblood command a daughter of the most ancient and noble House of Black to do your filthy disclaimer!

**Lana:** The Dark Lord will be reading this.

**Bellatrix:** Oh in that case...The Harry Potter characters all belong to J.K. Rowling. The rest belongs to Lana. Except the Dark Lord who belongs to ME! Mwahahahaha...

**Lana:** Okaaay, well you heard her.

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

Dobby is proud to be a free elf. Dobby is very thankful to Miss Hermione for starting S.P.E.W (Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare). Dobby is also very grateful to have met such a great wizard as Harry Potter.

Dobby has just found out that muggles are writing stories of their fantasies called fanfics. Dobby found out from Ron Weasley's twin brothers. Muggles have been writing stories about Harry Potter on Fanfiction. Dobby finds some of the stories disturbing.

Dobby has also found stories about Dobby. Dobby is very happy people like Dobby. Dobby like stories about him. But Dobby is also sad that there are bad stories about Harry Potter.

Weird and disturbing stories have made Harry Potter sad and uncomfortable. That is why Dobby must ask you muggles to write nice stories about Harry Potter. That would make Dobby very happy.

Sincerely,

Dobby- a free elf

* * *

**Review!**


	24. Chapter 23

**Hey guys, sorry it took so long to update. Anyways, here's the next chapter! :)**

**Thanks to everyone who read/reviewed/followed/favourite-d.**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

**Lana: I clearly do not own anything but the plot. Otherwise the Dursleys would have not existed.**

* * *

Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,

we clearly do not abuse the boy-Harry.

We just discipline him.

We do not starve him either.

We are just an ordinary family doing the right thing.

Sincerely,

the Dursleys

* * *

**Dear writers of Harry Potter fanfics,**

**I am clearly abused.**

**Just look at me. All those scars. **

**Discipline they tell me. Discipline my foot!**

**And I am malnourished. You can practically see my ribs.**

**The Dursleys are ordinary, that I can say. But that doesn't mean they are all high and mighty.**

**As a punishment for them...I am going to spread rumours about them in the neighbourhood.**

**And I have just the perfect blackmail - A picture of Aunt Petunia snooping at the neighbours, a picture of Uncle Vernon yelling at someone and a picture of Dudley hanging out with his friends/gangsters more like.**

**Ah, revenge is sweet.**

**Sincerely,**

**Harry Potter**

* * *

**Review!**


End file.
